chat.

Just got off chat with an old friend, a girl who grew up under the teachings of Christ, knows all the right answers, lived a righteous life . After years of misery, she has 'had it" with living the good Christian life, obeying, abstaining, etc for the sake of God.

She has had a hard life. Abused as a child in a Christian home, suffering from health problems due to it, unemployed, lost her fiance because of health problems, frustrated with not having a child of her own yet, a dream which she has had for her whole life.

She said

......i can't bank on heavenly rewards if that's what you mean. I'm not sure God even loves me IF he's even there

likely he'll send me to hell cause after all the crap he put me through I wasn't able to believe or trust him anymore

....or maybe God's a sadistic prick who hated me since I was born... or a figment of devout imaginations we've held since childhood... to be honest I sometimes think it would be easier to accept that there's no good deity in control than it is to believe there's a god in control who enjoys lavishing pain on select people and blessing select others with favourtism and good things

It broke my heart to see all hope lost. I have no specific answers to much of the stuff she has gone through, and i know that. I have no similar situations to compare to hers, my life is a garden in comparison,.

I told her that God loves her, cares for her, has hope for her. But, I can't make her believe, trust,or hope again.

God, come and find your child, hold her, love her, open her eyes to see you again. I am am leaving her in your hands, I am at a loss for words.