Thoughts after another week without Andy.

I am sitting at Andy's parents house, thinking about this week.

This week was crazy,

lots of people time, josée at the pool

not enough fun sewing time,

started making an owl pillow

could Not see floor,counter, sink, only mess

got to do fun shopping (Bummis, Walmart, Fabricland, Boomerang)

Liv crawls now, likes to eat paper

won't let me put her down = screaming

ate rice for most meals,

didn't get any parking tickets,

yelled a lot, I was an angry mom!

passed on some used clothes,

missed hubby,

never painted toenails,

cleaned and cleaned the house,

laughed with friends,

prayed for a premie and my brother,

made paper shades to avert burglars,

felt like an outsider,

gave a birthday present

missed a birthday party

texted A like crazy by holding the phone up for reception in the window..

did a small rescue,

half listened to a sermon,

packed and loaded for more camping,

and kissed the kids at every chance I could.

Last post..almost a month ago.

Wow, time flies these days and it is not slowing down anytime soon. :)

Lately , I have been in survival mode with the kids which is not a place I would like to stay. Ideally, I love to be outside, visiting with other moms or great friends or hubby, or creating something (I have a million little-big projects I would love to conquer!)

My friend had a great post on not wanting to be pregnant and she did not want to go back to 'Baby Prison' and I kinda feel like i am in it lately. Locked to this 3rd child, who always wants to be held, always needs to be nursed or fed, sleeping in a heavy carseat, stroller or crib.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love babies, and I think I am ok with them. I love their baby ways, chubbiness, their coos, their 'firsts', their unconditional love. If I found out I was prego right now, I would cry. I think that is because I am feeling the weight of motherhood, which is lovely but hard. I still remember not being able to sleep because of a huge baby belly and sleep has never really returned as all mothers know. It is a sweet luxury to just be by myself and have everything done. It is a constant mental fight when we are asked to go somewhere because I have a constant mental packing list and moving plan t how to get kids where and what to do with them in process. Yes, it really is all consuming, but at the same time wonderful.

The beauty of this time, is that I am so completely sure of my need of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I am literally desperate for them on a daily basis.

As my devotions shorten, because I can hardly keep my eyes open or there are just too many interruptions, I feel like I know Him better.

Moments spent laying down with kids who are scared of the dark, I can pray for our needs and those of others.

During the rush of getting out the door, I can feel Him saying 'Be Still and know that I am God.' When I read and sing to the kids, this is all part of God using me to redeem another life and teach of His goodness.

God, thanks for knowing me and meeting me where I am at.

Thanks for the inspiration.

Last night I got to hang out with some moms. We snook away while most of our husbands were busy studying for finals, writing exams, or just recooperating from a busy week.

It ended up just being a small group of three, which I actually preferred to the larger group the previous week. We ended up going to Krispy Kream and chatting about babies, kids, being on staff, health care (Canada vs. US), and inspiring your kids to love God.

I just LOVE talking with moms who have kids who are a little older than my own since they have had experience, usually have great ideas, great resources, great passion.

It is inspiring me to have a better walk with God, encouraging me to put reading great books ahead of entertaining them with just 'educational' preschool programming, to seek out answers to tough questions that will come up.

I have been praying that my kids can handle being influencers together with our family in Quebec, in the public school system, a place where 'good parents' don't send their kids. It inspires me to pray for my kids that they will love God and have a contagious faith that has every kid wanting more of this Jesus that they see in them.

I am also praying for discipline for myself not to take 'the easy way out' and leave it up to church, books and the school to teach truth to our kids. This is an investment of a lifetime, money, time, social rejection and prayer.

I really DO believe that I am called as a Christian to be in the school system, to be a light in ark places, to go where Jesus would have gone.

Maybe, I am a socialist, but it gets me upset to see a two tiered system where your finances distinguish what kind of education you will have, that some families are written off because of the colour of their skin, or their country of origin.

I may eat all these words soon enough, God give me the wisdom to fight when I have to fight and let go when the time comes.

Thanks to all the great inspiring women and moms...I may need you again sooner than I thought!