Lately , I have been in survival mode with the kids which is not a place I would like to stay. Ideally, I love to be outside, visiting with other moms or great friends or hubby, or creating something (I have a million little-big projects I would love to conquer!)
My friend had a great post on not wanting to be pregnant and she did not want to go back to 'Baby Prison' and I kinda feel like i am in it lately. Locked to this 3rd child, who always wants to be held, always needs to be nursed or fed, sleeping in a heavy carseat, stroller or crib.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love babies, and I think I am ok with them. I love their baby ways, chubbiness, their coos, their 'firsts', their unconditional love. If I found out I was prego right now, I would cry. I think that is because I am feeling the weight of motherhood, which is lovely but hard. I still remember not being able to sleep because of a huge baby belly and sleep has never really returned as all mothers know. It is a sweet luxury to just be by myself and have everything done. It is a constant mental fight when we are asked to go somewhere because I have a constant mental packing list and moving plan t how to get kids where and what to do with them in process. Yes, it really is all consuming, but at the same time wonderful.
The beauty of this time, is that I am so completely sure of my need of Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I am literally desperate for them on a daily basis.
As my devotions shorten, because I can hardly keep my eyes open or there are just too many interruptions, I feel like I know Him better.
Moments spent laying down with kids who are scared of the dark, I can pray for our needs and those of others.
During the rush of getting out the door, I can feel Him saying 'Be Still and know that I am God.' When I read and sing to the kids, this is all part of God using me to redeem another life and teach of His goodness.
God, thanks for knowing me and meeting me where I am at.
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